A Dangerous Romanticisation on Domestic Violence for Teenagers
TW: DV, SA
This was the first Colleen Hoover book I've ever read. Frankly, given the hype on Booktok, I was disappointed in how it turned out. Lily's story is supposed to be framed as standard. Something for us, the readers, to review and gain a new perspective. The problem is that Lily's story is unique, in terms of suffering from domestic violence. This unknowingly hurts survivors of domestic violence and spousal abuse. Atlas is a white knight who comes to rescue Lily from her short-tempered father as a teenager and her abusive husband as an adult. I appreciate Hoover's attempt to show how victims of spousal abuse stay with their companions but, to simply say, now you can call your first love who will come and rescue you is irresponsible.
This is in no way to invalidate Hoover's experiences and much less her mother's, upon whom the story is based. Writing about DA and SA is a cathartic experience but must be handled with the highest form of respect. Simply saying that because the story is based upon truth is not a valid excuse for handling a dark tone so erroneously. Especially one that affects roughly 25% of women in the US.
Unfortunately, Hoover's writing has placed her between a rock and a hard place. IEWU's tone and plot lines play out like a Wattpad fan fiction. To be completely fair, this appeals to teenagers, from what I can assume Hoover's main demographic. The issue is that a story of domestic violence and spousal abuse cannot be written as a romance through and through and then marketed to those who are more impressionable. The synopsis itself fails to even mention the word abuse. Making it feel as though a tragic storyline is a plot twist. Then once you look further into her characters you see that their traits and arcs are awkward and harmful to those, in reality, suffering at the hands of someone who loves them.
We've already addressed the issue of having a white knight come to save you. But, at what point do we try to think about Lily's options? While she is in the hospital with Atlas after being raped and abused yet again by Ryle, her husband, she discovers that she is pregnant. Lily makes it clear how disgusted she is to be carrying the future child of her abuser and her struggle to find peace with it continues through her pregnancy. I have to ask, why wasn't the word abortion even mentioned? Lily states she was 12 weeks pregnant when she found out. This is within her first trimester and in Massachusetts where abortion is legal up to 24 weeks. Why can't the idea be thrown out there? No woman is obligated to carry the child of her abuser (or any child for that matter). Going forward, we see Lily attempt to escape her violent marriage to Ryle. She is aware of his violence and rage but to say that he had a traumatic experience as a child is enough for LITERALLY NO ONE to call the police after seeing how battered lily has become. Hoover makes it clear to us that the doctors and nurses in the hospital all understand that she has been attacked and likely raped. Does Hoover know that refusing to get a rape kit done, does not mean that doctors and healthcare professionals are not required by law to make a report?
Hoover's knowledge of the medical system made me wary from the start. While I wasn't surprised that a neurosurgeon resident loved to party and get drunk, I think Hoover didn't put together the difference in maturity levels between Ryle and Lily. We are told in the beginning that Lily is 23 years old and starting her own business. Good for her. We also learn that Ryle is in his last year of residency for neurosurgery. If Ryle graduated high school at 18, then 4 years of college, 4 years of medical school, and a 7-year-long residency (yes that is the standard length of a neurosurgery residency) he is at least 32 years old when he meets her. If Hoover put this in as an early red flag, props go out to her. But given how she displays other parts of the medical system, I'm not inclined to give her the benefit of the doubt.
We as the audience are meant to believe that by the end of the novel, Ryle has changed for the better. Lily has left him and they co-parent their daughter Emmy Dory (ugh) Kincaid together. If Hoover wanted us to believe in this strong woman by the end of the novel why would she let her child be raised by some who frequently "blacks out" and hurts those closest to him? It feels like getting over such a huge struggle is as easy as getting a divorce and learning to co-parent. Why must this person that Hoover describes as not worthy of being loved, face no legal consequences for his actions?
I will give credit to Hoover for adequately showing throughout the novel how Lily was able to understand her mother's point of view. Looking at her (really really weird) diary entries as a teenager helped me to understand that train of thought better. But why on earth did Hoover choose to address the diaries to Ellen? The ongoing motif of "Just Keep Swimming" made me cringe every time it was mentioned. Something I did not want to do during such a serious plot. Finding Nemo must have been Hoover's favorite movie while writing with the constant Dory references and naming of her child. Colleen, please don't let your other work, handling such dark and nuanced topics be interrupted by references to an animated kid's movie.
In the end, I give it two stars. the Book is made to be read by teenagers, making Colleen's writing style accessible and fun for them. But her lack of nuance and ignorance of more than her one experience of domestic violence hurts the implications this story has on the real world.
If you or a loved one is suffering from domestic abuse please call (800) 799-7233 or go online to
https://www.thehotline.org/
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